


Paper Houses

by spideybabeparker



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Angst, F/M, Fluff, Love Triangle, Smut, Steve Rogers Angst, Unrequited Love, bucky barnes smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 09:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20654942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideybabeparker/pseuds/spideybabeparker
Summary: She loved him more then anything or anyone in all the galaxy. From the moment they met he was suddenly her everything.{“Is me walking around in my underwear distracting?”“you’re always distracting.”}





	1. always my girl

When it came to him the sun rose and sat in his eyes. I had never in my small existence has I felt close to anything that I felt for him. I couldn’t see any part of my future that was wasn’t in.

Steve Rogers and I met back when we were in high school, and the moment we spoke for the first time something between us just clicked. It was almost as if everything in my life had led up to us meeting. I clearly remember the first time I watched him walk down the hallway towards me. I was the girl who had just moved to town and barely had any friends. Some fate had something plans, and my locker was right next to Steve’s. The first time he met he shook my hand and introduced himself. I can still remember the electric feeling that ran across my skin as we touched. No one I had ever met was a kind as him, the moment he realized I didn’t have any friends he informed me that we were new friends. From that moment my life seemed to revolve around him.

I sat in our shared kitchen watching as he stood in front of the coffee pot in nothing but a pair of tiny blue boxer-briefs. When it came to modesty Steve didn’t have any when it came to me, he never did. The boy changed in front of me a week into knowing me. He was in my bedroom after school and I was laying on my bed talking to him when he pulled his shirt off and stripped down to his boxers. My olive eyes went wide, and my ivory skin blushed bright pink. I stared for a moment too long and he noticed. He gave me that casual smirk that made me melt and asked, “do you like what you see?” I adverted my eyes and just shook my head embarrassed.

The sound of him humming something brought me out of my day dreams. My eyes stayed locked on his form as he poured himself a cup of coffee. His bottom lip was captured between his teeth as he walked towards. Sitting down across from me, he reached and grabbed my iPad that was sitting on the table in front of me. I was supposed to be sending an email for work, but I couldn’t seem to concentrate much in the moment.

“Doll what are you doing?” he asked looked at the email.

“I’m supposed to working on a project that has a deadline next week, but I can’t seem to stay focused on it.”

“Is me walking around in my underwear distracting?” he asked winking.

I shook my head and sighed, “you’re always distracting.” Reaching over I grabbed my iPad back from.

“I like putting on a show for you babe,” he gave me that smirk that he knew made me melt.

In my whole life I didn’t know how I would ever love anyone more than I loved Steve Rogers. This man was my everything. He knew how to cheer me up when I was sad, or how to make me laugh when I seemed to be taking everything too serious. I don’t think anyone on earth knew me better than Steve, not even my family.

“So, I’m going to run some errands and swing by work, and then I want to take you out to dinner.”

I wasn’t sure why he could possibly want to go to dinner, but I never turned down an opportunity to go out with him.

“Okay sounds good to me, I need to go to work for a while, Bucky wants me to check out a script he reviewing.”

“Tell Bucky he better keep his hands off my girl,” he laughed lightly and stood.

Looking up at him I smiled, “oh I’m your girl?” I raised my eyebrow at him.

“You’re always going to be my girl,” walking towards me he leaned over and pressed his lips to the top of my head. I couldn’t help the huge smile that formed on my face as I watched him walked down the hallway.

-&-

Walking into work found Bucky sitting at my desk. He was leaning back in my chair with his hands kicked up on my desk. His phone was in his hands as he was smirking at the screen.

“Bucky why are you at my desk, when your perfectly good desk is located in the room next to mine?” I walked over and picked up his boot cover feet and took them off my clean desk.

“Your office has a better view then mine?” he smirked sitting his phone down on my desk.

Walking over I sat down in the chair across from him. “You do know we have the same view?”

He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, “no you have a better view of that tree off to the left.”

I couldn’t help but glare at him and shake my head slowly, “where is the script Bucky?”

Reaching on the ground he held up the thick script and sat it down on my desk with a loud thump. I reached over and picked up the script glancing at it.

“What’s it about?”

Bucky and I met in college, he was Steve’s roommate freshman year. He had no choice but to be friends with me since Steve were together basically every waking moment of the day. Through college we both had the same major so we had a ton of classes together, and then after graduation we both went on to work for the same publishing house.

“You know same old normal young adult nonsense, but it’s coming from so chick who wrote bestseller ten years ago and this novel is long awaited. I guess three movie studios are already trying to get rights to it before its even published,” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Do you think it’s worth being a movie?” I asked picking up the extremely thick script.

He shrugged his shoulder, “I’m not exactly the target audience, but then again I have read scripts with less plots and the internet lose their god damn minds over them.”

Looking at the script I read the first page. I couldn’t help but notice that Bucky probably wasn’t wrong, it was going to follow the basic formula of young adult novels, but that wasn’t a bad thing. People tend to love those types of book, I was one them. I couldn’t even count how many books like this I had bought from book stores and loved.

“If you think it will sale well, and especially with people highly anticipating this novel, I would say push I through. If you don’t Mr. Tanner might fire your ass.”

He rolled his eyes and reached over to grab the script back from me, “Alright Logan I’ll send it through.”

I narrowed my eyes staring at him realizing he didn’t actually need my help with this. “Why did you ask for my help, that a slam dunk script you didn’t need me to tell you that?”

Shrugging his shoulders, he stood up holding the script under his arm, “I don’t know Lo, I guess I like hearing I’m right about something.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and he walked out my office. Walking over and sat down in my chair that Bucky had just been sitting in. I looked down at my phone to find a text from Steve.

Steve: Hey I’m feeling like having pasta for dinner.

I didn’t understand how a man the body that he had could possibly eat as much pasta as he did. Steve body was as if he was made from stone, and then you had me who was a chubby girl who had curves in places I didn’t like them.

Logan: You always want pasta.

Sitting my phone down on my desk I opened up my emails to see if I had any new deadlines to meet. Before I could even click to open a new email from Mr. Tanner, Bucky walked back into my office.

“Logan, are we going out for your birthday tomorrow,” he asked leaning against the door frame.

I hadn’t even thought about my birthday. Steve had brought it up a couple times, but I always brushed him off because I was busy with work stuff.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Am I going to have to plan this with Steve, aren’t I?”

I glanced up at him and glared, “I feel like even if I don’t want to go out, with you two that’s not an option.”

He smirked and move so he was no longer leaning against the doorframe, “basically, I’ll hit Steve up.”

Shaking my head, I looked back down at my phone to see another text from Steve.

Steve: Be home at in an seven for dinner.

Logan: Will do.

-&-

Walking into our apartment I found Steve sitting on the couch waiting for me. His eyes were locked on his phone.

“Logan your late,” he held up his wrist and pointed to his watch dramatically.

I rolled my eyes and placed my hands on my round hips, “Sorry I arrived three minutes late.”

Before I could say anything else, he stood up and shouted, “three minutes and forty-two seconds late.”

I rolled my eyes so hard I felt like they might get stuck in the back of my head, “alright let’s go then.”

We head out of the apartment and walked down the block to our favorite Italian place. We sat down and Steve was rambling on about which pasta he wanted to get, I looked at him just getting lost in his words not exactly focusing on what he was saying, but the way his lips were slightly turning up as he spoke.

“What are you getting?” he asked sitting the menu down.

“Angel hair pasta,” I said sitting my menu down.

The waitress came over and took our order and we sat there for a moment before Steve cleared his throat.

“I have something I need to tell you,” he sounded like he was nervous to say what ever he was about to say.

“What do you need to tell me?” I reached over and rested my hand on his.

“So, I’m going to be a father, Sharon is pregnant.”

My world suddenly started spinning on its side as my eyes grew wide. The feeling of bile crawling up my throat made me feel sick. All the color must have drained from my face as Steve stared at me with a concerned look. My heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces right in Steve hand. In that exact moment I realized Steve Rogers didn’t return my feelings, and he was never going to. My eyes suddenly wanted to water as fought like hell not to cry.

Steve and Sharon had been dating for a year, he was head over heels with her. The problem with Sharon was that she didn’t like me at all, she was extremely jealous me. Her and Steve had gotten into a couple big fights over the fact that Steve lived with me. I can’t lie I didn’t like her at all, she was stuck up and always rude to me. Steve always asked me what I thought of her, and I always told him the same thing, “my opinions of who you’re dating should matter, I just want you to do what makes you happy.”

Steve Rogers happiness was the only thing that matter in my life. I didn’t know why the universe thought it was okay to make me love someone who was never going to love me the same way. Sure, he loved me, he told me all the time that he loved me, that I was his girl. But you can love someone and not be in love with them. Steve was the only man I had ever loved, and I didn’t think I could love anyone the way I loved him.

“Logan did you hear me?” he asked snapping out of my thoughts.

“Yeah congratulation,” I gently squeezed his hand and watched as his eyes lit up.

He nodded his head and said, “I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.”

One thing about Steve that anyone who ever met him knew was that he couldn’t wait to be father. He was a man who desperately wanted a wife and kids. He had mentions couple months back to me that he possibly wanted to marry Sharon in the next five years. When he said it hurt like hell, but I just brushed it off and tried to forget it. I couldn’t help but wonder when he knocked her up, my skin crawled at the thought of them conceiving their child while I was in the apartment with them. I hated just thinking about Sharon being able to touch him the way I wished I could.

We ate dinner and listened to Steve ramble on about Sharon and my brain wasn’t holding any of the information he was telling me. I just nodded my head and smiled acting like I was fully invested in the fact that Sharon was going to have the life that I had dreamed of having.

Walking back to the apartment Steve had his arm over my shoulder like he always did. People who didn’t actually know our friendship always assumed we were together. It probably had something to do with the lack of personal space we seemed to have, and the face we lived together. On any other night or day, I would have loved having his arm around me as we walked down the street, but right then and there it felt like his hand was in my chest shattering what few pieces were left of my heart.

As we entered the apartment Steve’s phone started ringing. Looking down he smiled really big, and I couldn’t help but assume it was Sharon calling.

“Do you mind if I take this?” he asked holding up his phone.

I shook my head, “go ahead, I’m gonna shower and then head to bed, I have an early day at work tomorrow.”

Walking off to my room closing the door I took a deep breath and let out a shaking sigh. I was still attempting to hold back the tears that had been dying to fall all night. I wasn’t ready to break down over this. Hell, I didn’t want to break down over this, I needed to be stronger. Holding my eyes closed tightly I fought back the tears. I stripped away my clothes tossing them no the floor, in that moment I didn’t care about leaving a mess behind. Walking off to the bathroom completely bare I turned on the water and didn’t bother waiting for it to warm up I just stepped into the cold water and gasped as it hit my pale skin. Running my shaky fingers down my wet face as the water started to warm the sob broke through my chest as the tear finally started to fall. My curvy body shook as I sobbed, my arms wrapped around my body trying to stop the tears. I knew I needed to just let them out though, I didn’t have to hide my feeling while I was alone in the shower. Where the sound of the water falling would hide the sounds of my sobs.

I stayed in the shower until I could get myself together so I was no longer sobbing. As the tear continued to gently slide down my cheeks, I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around my wet body and walked off into my bedroom. Without even bothering to get dressed I crawled into bed still just wrapped in a towel.

Laying the silent dark room tear continued to slide down my face at the fact that my delusional little fairy tale was never going to happen.

The sound of a soft knock on the door caused me to still for a moment.

“Lo, did you want to watch a movie?” Steve asked from the other side of the door.

I opened my mouth to speak and yet nothing came out. I closed my eyes in the moment deciding to act like I had fallen asleep.

Another soft knock came through and I heard him, “Lo, are you asleep?”

I silently held my eyes shut holding my breath waiting for him to give up. I couldn’t do it anymore tonight, I couldn’t go out there and act like was happy. I was hurt even thought I felt like I didn’t have a right be hurt. Steve Rogers wasn’t mine and he was never going to be.

The sound of his footsteps walking away from my room let me know that he had given up.

Time went by slowly as I laid there staring at the wall. I had managed to stop crying for about ten minutes when heard him knock on my bedroom door softly one more time.

“Lo,” he paused and I heard him take a deep breath. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I love you and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Taking my bottom lip between my teeth the tears slid down my cheek once more as I heard him open and close the door next to mine. I slowly crawled out of my bed and threw my pajamas on quickly and went to reach for my door handle. As my fingers grazed the cool metal, I thought about what I would actually say to him. I couldn’t tell him he broke my heart, he didn’t realize I loved him before, and tonight should change it. I dropped my hand and stared at the handle knowing that owed him an explanation, but I couldn’t bare to actually ever give it to him. Shaking my head, I stepped away from the door and walked back over to my bed and crawled under the covers.

I didn’t know actually know how to act like I wasn’t heartbroken around him, and it might just kill me to act like I was completely fine.


	2. it’s her birthday

I thought when the sun came up, maybe I would wake up and not want to cry again. I was a fool think that. I woke up in morning feeling still just as heartbroken. Lying in bed I stared at the wall and I heard Steve’s bedroom door open. I held my breath as I heard him step towards to my bedroom door. His hand gently knocked on the door.

“Birthday girl are you awake?”

“Yeah,” I said speaking to him for the first time since last night. My voice slightly shook, but I hoped he couldn’t tell that I had been crying.

“Get out of bed lazy, I’m gonna make coffee for you and pancakes,” his voice had a slight gravel to it and I could tell he had just woken up.

“Okay,” I couldn’t bring myself in the moment to say more than about one-word answers to him.

I heard his footsteps moved down the hallway towards the kitchen and I let out a sigh. Slowly I crawled out of bed and walked over to my closet to attempt to find something to wear to work. I knew whatever I wore to work I was going to have to wear out celebrate my birthday. I knew there was no way that either Steve or Bucky were going to let me get away without going out for my birthday tonight. I dressed in a cute button up flowy blouse and pair of tight jeans that according to Steve and Bucky mare my butt look, amazing. Walking into my bathroom I brushed my teeth and put some makeup on. I made sure to coat my eyelashes in waterproof mascara because there was no way to hide the fact that I would probably be crying again today. Pulling my dark hair into a low bun, I walked over to my closet and grabbed my black pointed flats and walked out of my bedroom.

Stopping at the end hallway before the kitchen I took a deep breath getting ready to face Steve again. I found him reaching into the fridge grabbing cream for out cups of coffee. He was in his normal breakfast attire of nothing but a tiny pair of boxer-briefs that showed off his body that looked like it was craved from marble.

He turned and looked at me giving me a crooked smile, and my heart raced.

“Good morning birthday girl,” he walked over and pulled me into his basically naked body for a tight hug. Leaning down his lips pressed to the top of my head. Releasing me he looked down at me with look as if he was trying to decide what to say. “Lo, what happened last night? You went to bed so early.”

Reaching up I scratched the back of my neck and looked down at the ground, “I was just really tired and didn’t feel well.”

Walking over to the counter where I our coffee was located, he turned back to me and asked, “are you feeling better today?”

“A little better, I think I might just have a bug.”

“Are you going to be able to go out tonight?” he asked walking over towards me carrying a cup of coffee.

I nodded my head knowing that I couldn’t say I didn’t want to go out, “yeah I can still go out.”

“I was thinking we could all go to Jameson’s Bar tonight,” he smiled as he walked back towards the sink.

“Yeah,” I didn’t know what else to say to him right then.

He walked back over hold a plate of pancakes and set them down in front of me. I watched as he walked over and sat across from at the table.

“I had to make breakfast for the birthday girl.”

I gave him a small smile, “thanks Steve.”

We ate breakfast together and Steve was talking about random things. I hate that just hearing him get passionate about random things just made me smile.

After eating went to head off to work and Steve told me that we were all going to meet at Jameson’s at seven after he got off from work with Sam.

Walking into work I found Bucky once again sitting at my desk, but this time he was holding flowers for me and had my favorite latte from the place down the street sitting on my desk. With a kiss on my round cheek he wished my happy birthday before heading off to his own office.

Work seemed to go by quickly before I knew it was six and I was off from work. Bucky went with me back to my apartment so I could change quickly. He sat in the living charging his phone for a little.

Walking into the living room he whistled at me when he saw I had changed into a dress. I just rolled my eyes and sat down on the couch next to him.

“Trying to find yourself a man tonight?” he asked throwing his arm across the back of the blue sofa he was sitting on.

“Oh god no,” I said causing him to laugh.

“We got about fifteen minutes until were supposed to be at the bar. Did you want to get a cab or walk there?” he asked.

“Let’s walk I need the fresh air,” I stood up slowly.

As we arrived at the bar Sam, Steve, and Natasha were already inside with a booth for us. The moment we got to the booth everyone jumped out to wish me happy birthday.

“Let’s go get a drink,” Bucky put his arm over my shoulder and led me across the bar.

Sitting the bar, I stared at Bucky who was holding out a tequila shot for me. I just shook my head not wanting to take it. I hated taking shots and he knew it.

“I don’t want that Bucky,” I shook my head with a disgusted look on my face.

“Lo, we both know you have to take it,” he smirked moving it towards my hand.

“No, you take it,” I pushed his hand back.

“It’s not my birthday, it’s yours,” he moved the shot towards my face.

My eyes narrowed as I glared at him, “if I get super drunk you better take care of my ass.”

“You know Steve and I will take care of you.”

I flinched slightly at the mention of Steve’s name, and I think Bucky noticed be his eyes softened as he gave me a concerned look.

“Are you and Steve okay?” he sat the shot down on the counter.

I nodded my head lying. I couldn’t have this conversation with him right now and let alone in a room where Steve was about twenty feet away. Without thinking I reached over and grabbed the glass holding the gold liquor and quickly took it. Bucky’s look seemed to grow even more concerned as I sat the glass down on the counter with a clink.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” his strong hand rested on my shoulder as he looked at me with a look of concern.

I nodded my head lightly, “Yeah I know Bucky, everything is fine.”

Taking a step away from I walked over to the booth where Sam and Natasha we’re sitting and slid in next to Natasha.

“What’s the birthday girl drinking?” Sam asked.

“Nothing right now,” I said not wanting to actually drink anymore.

“Well let’s change that,” Sam said before he managed to wave down a waitress. I’m not exactly sure what he ordered but a couple minutes later she arrived back with two shots of that dreaded gold liquor and a glass that looked like cranberry and vodka. Sam handed me the shot and I didn’t even bother telling him no I just clinked our small glasses and took the second shot with him.

As I sipped on my cranberry and vodka Steve walked over and slid in next to me in the booth holding what look to be a cranberry in vodka in one hand. He sat it down in front of me and smiled as he threw his arm over my shoulder pulling me close to him. I tried to smile and act like nothing had suddenly changed between us, but it was honestly really hard on my part.

“Drink up, birthday girl,” Steve said handing me my already half drink glass that Sam had bought me.

Taking a large drink of the strong vodka and fruit mixture I looked up as Bucky walked over and sat down next to Sam in the booth. His blues moved between Steve and I as he watched us interact. Bringing the glass back to my lips I chugged the rest that was in first drink. Setting the glasses down I looked up to see Bucky still staring at me. I glanced up at Steve to see that he wasn’t even paying attention to me. He was talking to Sam about something and laughing.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when someone gently kicked my shin and I looked across the table at Bucky whose eyes were narrowed on me. I mouthed “I’m fine” attempting to get to leave me alone. Whatever I was feeling at the moment didn’t need to be shared with anyone, especially with Bucky who was really good friends with Steve.

As the night went on the alcohol was staring to take effect on me. My body felt warm and fuzzy as I was now sat on the other side of the sitting next to Bucky. Steve had just left the table to take phone call and Sam and Natasha were on the other side of the bar dancing on the small dance floor.

Reached for my glass I glanced over at Bucky who was still staring me.

“Bucky have you looked at anyone other than me tonight?” I was pretty passed tipsy, but it wasn’t like I was hammered or anything.

“What are you not telling me?” he reached down and rested his hand on my thick thigh. In all the time I had known Bucky he had gotten pretty good at reading how I actually felt on a situation. I knew I could actually hide how I was feeling from him.

“Bucky dropped it,” I brought the glass up to my lips and took another big gulp.

“What’s going on with you and Steve?” he raised his eyebrow.

I avoided his question and silently looked at the table.

“Every time his name has been mentioned or he touches you, you seem extremely uncomfortable and that really weird. As long as I have known you, you have always been the happiest around him.”

I held my eyes closed as I suddenly had the desire to cry, “Steve didn’t do anything.”

He shook his head as he glanced up to see Steve walking into the bar holding Sharon’s hand. My stomach dropped at the sight of them together.

Bucky gently squeezed my thigh and I looked at him to see him staring at me with sad eyes, “You love him don’t you.”

“You know I do, he’s my best friend,” I tried to act like it was causal, that the sight of them together and happy didn’t make me sick to my stomach.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

I dropped my head suddenly feeling stupid that I even let myself have these feeling for him. It was obvious that he didn’t turn them.

“Bucky…” I didn’t even know how to deny it. It was completely obvious to him. He was knew me better than almost anyone other than Steve.

“He doesn’t know, does he?” Bucky’s voice was low as he realized what was going on with me.

I shook my head as I looked over at Steve who was leaning against the bar making out with Sharon. “Have you ever told him?”

“No, I couldn’t ever. Our friendship means too much to me, for me to lose him. I’m also like not his type at all. He likes girls that are in shape and pretty like Sharon, and not girls like me,” I pointed to my overly curvy body.

“He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what’s right in front of him,” he sighed. “You might not think you’re beautiful Logan, but I think your gorgeous. I always have,” the side of his mouth turned up into a smile as he stared at me. I suddenly felt my cheeks burn bright pink.

“Did he tell you Sharon is pregnant?” I said softly.

Bucky’s eyes went wide with a look of surprise letting me know that Steve hadn’t told anyone other than me.

“Yeah he told me last night he’s gonna be a dad, and that broke my heart.”

Before Bucky could even respond Steve and Sharon walked over to our booth and sat down.

“Happy birthday,” Sharon said giving me the same fake smile she always seemed to give me.

“Thanks,” I gave her the best smile I could muster up.

She leaned over and grabbed Steve’s face and started kissing him. I looked down at the table and Bucky must have known how uncomfortable I felt suddenly I felt because he reached down and laced his fingers with mine. My eyes moved from the table over to Bucky. I gave him a half smile and he squeezed my hand.

“Why don’t we get you another shot?” Steve out of nowhere.

“I’m good,” I said not wanting to drink anymore.

“Come on, I’ll take one with you,” he smiled.

“Okay,” I realized then I was always gonna have a hard time saying no to him.

Steve ordered us two shots of tequila. I looked at the shot glass and looked up at Steve who was holding his towards me. I picked mine up and gently clinked mine with his.

“Happy birthday Lo,” he said before tossing back the shot.

We all sat at the table talking for about two hours when I let out a loud yawn in my inebriated state.

“I’m ready for bed,” I let out sigh hoping I could go to bed finally.

“How about I take you home,” Bucky said speaking up.

I nodded my head liking the sound of that.

“Baby why don’t you come to my apartment tonight?” Sharon asked Steve making me want to throw up.

“I have to take care of the birthday girl,” Steve looked up at me probably noticing that I was quite drunk.

“Baby, Bucky can take care of her,” Sharon whined.

“Bucky can you take care of her?” Steve asked almost as if I wasn’t sitting right next to Bucky.

“I don’t know if she wants me to take care of her.” Bucky looked over at me almost as if he wanted to know if I was okay with him taking me home.

“Bucky can you just take me home. I’m not a child, I’m fine once I get inside,” I groaned standing up from the booth. I was extremely over being in a small area with Steve and Sharon.

“Yeah I got you Lo,” Bucky crawled out of the booth quickly and stood next to me.

Sam and Natasha walked over together.

“You guys heading out?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah the birthday girl is tired,” Steve said as he stood up out of the booth. He walked over and wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his chest. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Goodnight Lo,” he said softly.

“Goodnight Steve,” I said pulling away from him.

Sam and Natasha both walked over and gave me hugs goodbye. As the group left the bar Bucky reached down and laced his fingers with mine as he led me down the street the short distance to mine and Steve’s apartment.

We didn’t talk about anything until we were about a block away when he finally broke the silence between us, “do you ever plan on telling him how you feel?”

I shook my head and sighed, “nope. It’s pointless now.”

Walking inside Bucky still held my hand as we took the elevator up to our floor. We walked into my apartment and I dropped his hand and walked straight to my bed. Walking into the bathroom that was connected to my bedroom I grabbed a makeup wipe to quickly remove my make-up. I smeared away my make up and walked back into my room to find Bucky sitting on my bed. I didn’t bother saying anything as I took my flats off and crawled into bed next to Bucky. Standing up he walked over and pressed his lips to my forehead for a lingering kiss.

“Are you okay?” he asked with his face still close to mind.

“No,” I whispered as tears silently started to slide down my cheeks.

“I don’t want to leave you alone,” he said down on the edge of the bed next to me.

“I don’t want to be alone,” I sighed as the tears slowly slid down my cheeks.

He nodded his head and walked over to the other side of the bed and laid down next to me on my full-size bed. Without saying a word, I scooted across the bed and cuddled up against him with my head on his chest and sighed as I didn’t bother trying to hide my tears. He rubbed my sided as he held me while I cried in his arms. Bucky and I had cuddled before, but never like this. This seemed much more intimate as he comforted me.

“You’re allowed to be hurt,” he whispered.

“I’m such a fool,” I murmured trying to not sob. My inebriated state probably was making even more emotional. If I was sober, I probably wouldn’t be in bed with Bucky crying over the fact that Steve didn’t love me.

“You aren’t a fool Lo,” he said leaning down and connecting his lips to the top of my head.

“Can you please just stay with me, right now I just want to feel wanted?” I begged. I must of sound pathetic to him, as I laid on him crying about Steve and begging him to stay with me.

“Yeah I’ll stay with you,” he said softly as he reached up and brushed away some of the tears off my cheek.

I’m not sure how long I laid there crying against him but the tears stopped right before my eyes grew to heavy to stay awake.


	3. all I Ever Wanted

I woke in the morning I was surprised I didn’t wake with killer headache. I glanced up to see Bucky slowly stirring in bed next to me. I couldn’t help but notice how pretty he looked when he was first waking up.

“Morning,” Bucky yawned as he stretched in bed next to me. “How are you feeling?”

“I pretty okay oddly, but I feel like I need to shower,” I sighed.

“Why don’t I get up and make some coffee while you shower?” I watched as he slowly crawled out of bed.

He was still dressed in his jeans and shirt from yesterday and I looked down to see that I was in clothes from the night before as well. Bucky walked out of the room and gave me one last smile before shutting the door.

Getting out of bed I stripped away my clothes and stepped into the shower. It was an odd feeling taking a shower while I knew Bucky was waiting for me in the kitchen.

I had been practically single all of my twenties. I had gone on a couple dates and even hooked up with a guy who used to work with Bucky and I, but for the most part I wasn’t open to seeing anyone because of my feeling I had toward Steve. I sure as hell hadn’t shared a bed with anyone in an extremely long time. I couldn’t lie it felt nice to be held by someone until I went to sleep.

After showering I dressed myself in leggings and sweater, and I walked into the kitchen to find Bucky drinking a cup of coffee.

Sitting down at the table across from Bucky I played with the bottom of the sleeves of my sweater. He pushed the second cup of coffee that sitting next to him. Picking up the cup I brought it up to my lips enjoying the feeling of the warm caffeinated liquid.

“I’m shocked you aren’t hungover,” he said softly.

Shrugging my shoulders, I softly said, “maybe crying over heart break is the way to counteract a hangover,” I let out sarcastic laugh and Bucky gave me a sad smile.

“Lo are you okay?” I knew he was worried about me, and I could hear it is in his tone.

I slowly nodded my head, “I’m going to be fine.”

Before I could say anything, the front door opened and Steve walked in still in his clothes from the night before. He stopped at the table and looked between Bucky and I with a confused look. I think he might have noticed that Bucky was still wearing his clothes from the night before.

“Did you spend the night Bucky?” Steve as with his eyes narrowing on Bucky.

Bucky nodded his head and glanced at me and then back at Steve, “yeah I slept on the couch I didn’t want to leave her alone in the apartment after she had been drinking.”

“Thanks,” Steve stepped towards him and patted him on the back as he walked further into the kitchen. “Lo, you’re a life saver for making coffee.”

“Bucky made it, I took a shower and come out to find fresh coffee,” Steve looked over at me and I could tell by his look that he had a lot of questions.

“Did you guys sleep together?” Steve boldly asked.

“No Steve,” I said, technically lying, because we did sleep in the same bed, but we didn’t have sex like I guess Steve assumed we did.

“Steve she was drunk and I was sober, you and I both know I would never take advantage of her,” Bucky’s tone sounded like he was kind of annoyed.

“I know that, I was just kind of shocked to see you still in your clothes from the night before,” Steve said as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Bucky was just being a really good guy taking care of me,” I said speaking up. I didn’t like that was Steve being so nosy about Bucky staying over, especially after he pawned me off Bucky last night asking him to take care of me.

Steve walked over and sat down at the table in between Bucky and I. We all sat there, drinking coffee and making small talk. Bucky stayed over for about an hour before he said he had to head out that he had some stuff at home he had to do. After he left Steve excused himself to go take a shower and I chilled in the living room looking at a Young Adult script I had taken home to check out. I read it for about a half hour when Steve walked into the living room. He had his laptop and sat down on the couch next to me. We were working in comfortable silence for a while when there was a knock on the door. I thought maybe Sam or Bucky was coming over. Steve closed his laptop and jumped up to go answer the door. I looked over at the door to see Sharon. I looked away and rolled my eyes, it was getting to the point I was rarely getting alone time with Steve anymore. Sharon was constantly popping her head in whenever she could, and it was safe to say I hated it. I don’t think she could do anything to actually make me like her.

“If it isn’t the drunk birthday girl,” she said walking into the living room.

“Hey Sharon,” I attempted to give her a small smile.

I kept my eyes locked on the script I was reading as I heard them start to make out. Steve was never the person who would openly make out with someone until he met her. I’m pretty sure she constantly made out with him to prove to me that he belonged to her.

“I heard Steve told you that he’s going to be a father,” she rested her hand on her stomach as she sat down on the spot on the couch Steve had been sitting on.

I nodded my head as prayed to myself that there was some way in hell, I wasn’t going to talk to her about her unborn child, “yeah congrats.”

“With Steve as the father this baby is going to be beautiful,” she smiled.

I tilted my head and gave a pained nod, “yeah Steve has some great genetics.”

Steve walked over and sat on the couch next to Sharon and wrapped his arm around her. He looked over at me and gave me a smile letting me know that he was truly happy, and I know it made me a terrible friend, but that broke my heart.

“I’m gonna let you guys have some alone time, I have some questions about this script so I’m going to go see Bucky,” I quickly stood up. I needed any excuse at all to get away from the love birds.

Walking off to my room I found a pair of black flats and my purse. I didn’t bother putting on any make up because I was just going to Bucky’s apartment, and he had already seen me today without make up on.

Walking towards the front door I looked over at Steve who was cuddled up with Sharon on the couch and I said, “Steve I’ll be back later.”

“Okay Lo,” he said not bothering to look back.

I hailed a cab quickly and went straight to Bucky’s apartment. My hand hit his door rapidly praying that he would answer the door soon. I need to escape from Steve and Sharon, I couldn’t go back to the apartment and her Sharon talk about her perfect life with Steve anymore.

Bucky answered the door and gave me a confused look. His eyes traveled down to the script I was holding and he asked, “I thought you didn’t need my help on that script.”

“I lied to Steve and said I needed your help,” I paused and sighed fighting the urge to cry, “I just needed to escape from Steve and Sharon. She came over and was gloating all about how pretty her baby with Steve was going to be. I know it makes me a terrible person but hearing about her perfect life with Steve, makes me sick to my stomach.” I knew was rambling and I probably sounded like a crazy person but I needed to get all this off my chest.

He didn’t say anything he just reached over and wrapped his arms around me holding me close to him. His hand ran up and down my back as if he was trying to calm me down.

“You aren’t a terrible person, you’re heart broken. If I was you, I wouldn’t want to hear about it either.”

“How can you turn off feelings for someone?” I asked him as I pulled away from slightly and looked up into his blue eyes.

“Unfortunately, you can’t turn them off, you just try to move on.”

I closed my eyes pushing back the tears that were trying to fall. “I don’t want to feel something him anymore. Nobody wants me, why would Steve want me?” I sound truly pathetic and I knew it.

“Hey,” he placed his large and, on my cheek, and stared into my eyes with an intense look. “People want you.”

“It doesn’t feel that way,” I sighed.

Silently he leaned forward and connect his lips to mine. His lips felt electric against mine, his strong hand rested in my cheek as our lips moved for a moment. Pulling away we both stared at each other almost as if we were in shock of what had just happened.

“Lo, I don’t think you realize how beautiful I think you are,” his voice was low as his hand was still resting on my cheek.

Without another thought I leaned up and crashed my lips into his. With my eyes held tight my lips moved against his almost as if I couldn’t breathe without him. My fingers latched on to his shirt pulling his tone body close to mine. In that moment I couldn’t seem to physically get any closer to him. His lips moved from the side of my mouth and he started kissing my neck causing me to moan. His lips pulled away from my skin and he stared at me with lust blow eyes, and felt my stomach fill with butterflies. I don’t think I in my entire existence had ever had anyone look at me like Bucky was right then.

Both our chest were heaving up and down as if we were both trying to stay calm in that moment. I wasn’t even sure what happening right then, and I didn’t know what was about to happen. His hand went under my chin and lifted my head so I was staring right into his lust filled eyes.

“You deserve the world,” his voice was low and filled with need.

Without saying anything to him I reached down for the belt on his pants. My hands were a little shaky as I fumbled with his belt. His lips went down the base of my neck as I unbuckled his pants. The moment his buckle was undone I managed to get the button, and zipper undone of his jeans. His lips gently nipped at my skin and I could hold back the moan that fell from my lips. His hand moved down and pushed his way inside my leggings and panties, and moaned again as his finger brushed my sensitive bundle of nerves. I gasped tilting my head back, as his finger continued to stroke my sensitive core. Without thinking I reached over and pushed my hand down the front of his pants and started palming his almost fully hard erection. Pulling his lips away from my skin his eyes locked on mine as we both stared at each other as we touched each other. I captured my bottom lip between my teeth moaning as his fingers worked on my clit.

“Baby you can finally let go,” his voice was still low as he stared at me with a look of hunger.

I nodded my head unable to say anything, I wasn’t even sure if my brain was even able to form words in that moment.

His lips crashed against mine for another electric kiss, I moaned into his mouth as he pushed me over the edge. My walls pulled at nothing as my high washed over me and gasped for air into his kiss. I removed my hand from his pants and stared at him pulling my lips away from him.

My chest was rising and falling as I attempted to come down from my high. Silently he fell to his knees in front of me, and hooked his fingers into the elastic of my leggings and slowly slid them down my think this. Slowly he removed my black flats and leggings, before reaching up to removed my lavender cheeky undies that I had been wear. He bit his bottom lip as he stared at my completely exposed bottom half. I couldn’t even say anything I just stared at him. His lips moved forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my exposed mound before he stood up. Without a second thought I connected my lips to his for a passionate kiss. We slowly started walking together with our lips still dancing. He only pulled away when we were about two feet from his large couch that was in the middle of his living room. He dropped down to the couch pulling me with him so I was straddling his thighs. He reached into his pocket to pull his wallet out, he flipped it open and pulled out a foil packet and then stared at me for a long moment.

“We can stop if you want. I’m not pressuring you into doing anything, whatever happens here is your call,” he said holding the foil packet.

“Please let me know what if feels like to be wanted,” I think it was the first actual thing I had actually said to him since we started this. The whole thing just didn’t fell real to be honest.

“I have never wanted anything more in the world, then how much I want you right now” he sighed pushing his hips up off the couch so he could push his jeans and boxer-briefs down enough to free his erection. I couldn’t help but stare at his hard erection for a moment before he slid the rubber down his length.

I sat up on my knees and moved closer to him and connected my lips to his for a sloppy kiss. Our lips moved together as I reached between us to line him up with my entrance. I pulled away and gasped as I slid slowly down his length. As he bottomed out, I stilled and stared at him for a long moment, I reached up and took his face in both hands and stared at him for moment.

“Make me forget him,” I whispered before sliding up his length.

Without saying anything he pressing his lips to the side of my neck leaving a trail of wet kisses as my hips moved up and down. I was never the type of girl who liked being on top, I was never personally comfortable in my own skin, and I felt like being on top would put me on full display. Even though I was basically fully dressed from the waist up Bucky made me feel extremely vulnerable in the best way possible.

My hands were resting on his shoulders as I used his body as leverage to help me move against him. His strong hands reached up to massage my sweater covered breast.

I let out a moan and leaned forward resting my forehead against his as we continued to move together. He slowly reached between us to play with my sensitive bundle of nerves. I gasp feeling the tight feeling of the coil in my stomach letting me know that my high was growing near.

“I’m so close,” he moaned.

“Bucky…” I couldn’t even think of any other words to say to him.

“I got you baby, just let go,” and as I sank down onto his length, I hit my high, my walls tugged on his length. He moaned into my ear sending a shiver down my spine. His hands gripped my round hips to help me move up and down his length so he could hit his own high. He sank me down on his length rough and he cursed hitting his own high. We sat there still completely attached as both of us rode out our highs. He took my round face in his hands again and connected our lips for a sloppy kiss. The kiss reminded me of when you drunkenly kiss someone and you both use too much tongue, but for some reason this was the most intoxicating kiss I had ever experienced in my lips.

We parted and he reached up and pushed my hair behind my ear that had fallen in to my face, and he gave me a smile at made me blush.

“I don’t think I have ever had sex with this much clothing on,” he rasped. I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that I looked up and down his basically full covered body. He literally still had his shoes and socks on and was only exposed where he had pushed his jeans about half way down his thighs to free himself. “Literally didn’t even get to fully look at you.”

“Bucky what just happened?” I asked realizing fully what we had just done, and I felt suddenly extremely nervous about it. Up until today I didn’t even realize that Bucky would ever even want anything like this with me.

“Hey,” he took my face in his hands once again and looked into my eyes. “Don’t freak out on me right now. What just happened was a long time coming on my part.”

I knit my eyebrows together as I stared at him trying to process what just happened, “you’ve wanted that to happen?”

He nodded his head and smiled, “Lo, I know you have a lot going on in your mind right now. I fully understand that you are still in love with Steve, but I need you to know that there are other people in this world that want you.”

“Thank you, Bucky,” I said as he removed his hands from my face.

“I want you to know that you don’t owe me anything Lo, if you want what just happened to be a one-time thing it can. I personally don’t want it to be, but I want you to know what ever happens is all up to you.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead for a gentle kiss. “Did you maybe want to get dressed and we and watch a movie or a tv show on the couch, and maybe cuddle?”

I slowly slid off his softened length and said, “I would like that.”

Bucky stood up and removing his condom and walked into the corner to dispose of it as I walked over to where Bucky had taken off my panties and leggings. I pulled them back on and walked over and sat down on the couch next to Bucky who had pulled his pants back up fully. He held the remote in one hand and had the other arm wrapped around me pulling me close to his side. He flipped through Netflix attempting to figure out to watch. We settled for watching some episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

Spending time like this with Bucky felt so natural and I couldn’t lie he was starting to make me feel things I didn’t think that I would ever feel again, but was most important was he was making me feel like I was truly wanted


	4. a great big storm

Walking back into the apartment I found Steve sitting on the couch, but this time he was luckily alone. Biting my lip, I wondered if I could get away with just walking to my room and avoid talking to him. I felt like the fact that I had slept with Bucky was weighing down on my shoulders. Steve and I always told each other everything. I remembered the awkward conversation had with him my freshman year of college when I lost my virginity to Peter Quill after a frat party. I remembered how my cheeks turned bright red as I told him about what happened. Steve was also really honest with me too, when he made the mistake and had a one-night stand with a girl whose name he didn’t even know a couple years ago. Before I could even make the choice, he turned and looked at me and gave me a soft smile.

“Did Bucky help you out?” he asked.

Without even thinking I blurted out, “I had sex with Bucky.”

He stared me with a look of shock for a moment before he knit his eyebrows together, and then he let out an annoyed scoff. For some reason his reaction pissed me off a lot.

He stood up and stayed standing by the couch and we just stared at for long moment. I wasn’t even sure what I should say to him, but I was suddenly pissed at him.

“So, has this been a thing for a while with you two?” he asked with his hands on his hips.

Silently I shook my head not even sure how to respond to him, “it was only this one time ever.”

Steve shook his head almost as if he was ashamed of me and it was making me even more annoyed. He walked across the living room closer to me and asked, “so are you having sex with him because he’s convenient?” his hand was on his hips as he stood there with a look judgement on his face.

“What the fuck Steve?” I had a look of disgust as I stared at him. I couldn’t believe he even had the nerve to ask me that. “How dare you say that.”

“You can’t blame me for asking, because you have literally never shown any sign of liking him, and suddenly you guys are having sex,” his tone was pointed as he stared at me.

“Steve why are you being asshole right now?” I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Steve and I had literally never fought since the moment we became friends.

“Do you even care about him or are you just using him because he’s there?”

What he had just said caused something into me to snap and I took a step towards him and pointed my finger into his strong chest and stared for a moment before I shouted, “I hate the fact that I’m in love with you!”

His eye went wide and he stared down at me as he reached down and grabbed my wrist. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could say anything, I stopped him.

“I wish I could take back everything I have ever felt for you, because loving you has never done anything other then break my heart into a million pieces, and right now you are being a selfish asshole. I haven’t ever said anything about the fact that you and Sharon don’t make sense. Hell, I just smile and act like I like her, when all she does is give me backhanded compliments and treat me like shit. Steve I’m done putting your happiness before my own, when you don’t even care about me or my feelings.” I pulled my wrist away from his hand and he just stood there silently taking in everything I had just said to him.

“I didn’t know you loved me,” he whispered.

“Steve Rogers, I have never loved anyone or anything like I love you, and you did nothing but shatter my heart into a million pieces.”

We stood there in the loudest silence I had ever experience just staring at each other. We had both said things that were meant to cut deep that neither of us were ever going to be able to take back, and I don’t think we could fix what just unfolded.

“I need to move out,” I whispered as tears slid down my cheeks.

He shook his head, “no we can fix this.” I stared into his blue eyes and saw the tears starting to brim, “you can’t move out.”

I lost it and I couldn’t help but sob as I said, “we can’t take back what we just said.”

Shaking my head, I walked away from him and walked down the hallway to my room. I heard his footsteps behind me and I shut the bedroom down and locked it. I couldn’t have him barging into my room and convincing me to stay. I desperately needed space from him after what was said. Reaching into my closet I pulled out an over night bag and sat it on my bed. I started packing clothes when I heard him knock on my door. I shook my head and ignored it as I kept packing.

“Logan, let me in please, we’re not done,” he begged.

“Steve I can’t do this,” I cried sticking my make up bag in with everything.

“Logan, you’re my best friend we can fix this,” he pounded on the door as he begged. By his tone I could tell he was crying just like me.

Picking up my overnight bag I walked over and I leaned against the door, and I rested my ear against the door listening to Steve’s uneven breathing as he tried to stop crying. I clenched my hand into a fist and gently hit the door.

“I need to leave,” I cried.

“Logan, I didn’t mean anything I said tonight,” I heard him say as I heard him step away from the door.

I unlocked the door and opened it to find Steve crying leaning against the wall across from my bedroom. He closed his eyes an shook his head most likely knowing we both ruined everything between us.

“I can’t lose you,” he rasped.

“I need some space,” I sighed as I continued to cry.

I walked down the hallway holding my bag tightly in one hand. I opened the front door to find Steve standing at the end of the hallway watching me.

“I’m so sorry Logan.”

“I’m sorry too, Steve”

I walked outside and hailed the cab quickly and headed to the only person I knew was going to tell me everything was going to be okay.

Once again, I knocked on Bucky’s door rapidly for the second time in the day. As Bucky opened the door, he found me on the other side with tears streaming down my cheeks, biting my bottom lip trying to not sob. Without say a word he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. I couldn’t help the sob that broke as he rubbed my back.

“Lo, what happened?” he asked.

“I told Steve we slept together and we got into a huge fight.”

He pulled away from me and reached down to grabbed my overnight bag with one hand and took my hand with his other hand and led me inside. He walked us over to his couch and sat down and pulled me down so I was sitting next to him. Silently he reached up and brushed the tears off me cheek.

“Okay, are you guys okay?” he asked.

I shook my head and sighed knowing that things between Steve and I were never going to be the same. In the mix of our screaming match I confessed I was in love with him, and I was never going to be able to take that back.

“I told him I was in love with him, and I proceeded to tell him I needed space from him. That I needed to move out,” sighed trying to stop crying somewhat.

Bucky still had his hand resting on my cheek and proceeded to gently brush the tears off my cheek with his thumb. His ocean color eyes were gentle as he stared at me.

“Did you want to stay here?”

I nodded my head not even able to say much. I think he realized that he probably should ask me too much about Steve and I’s fight. Nobody truly knew what I felt for Steve other than Bucky, and I think he realized that it was going to hurt for me to talk about it.

“I can totally sleep on your couch,” I said softly knowing that I was inconveniencing him.

He shook his head and leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead before he looking into my sad eyes and said, “my couch is super uncomfortable and my bed is big enough for both of us.”

I gave him a little smile and nodded my head, “okay.”

“Did you maybe want to get some sleep you’ve had a long day?” he asked.

I nodded my head as he took his hand away from cheek. He stood up and grabbed my overnight bag and started walking across the living room to where his master bedroom was. I followed him into the room and he sat the overnight bag on the bed and turned to find me standing by the door. It suddenly felt so strange to me that not even four hours ago Bucky and I had sex on his living room couch, and now I was here awkwardly in his bedroom asking me to take me in. He must of senses I was overthinking everything because he walked over to my gently tilted my head up with his hand under my chin and stared at me for a second before saying, “hey nothing has to happen between us if you don’t want it to, but I’m gonna lay all the cards out on the table in front of you and put myself on the line.” He paused and took a deep breath, and I suddenly was nervous that Bucky was going to reject me. “I like you a lot Logan, and if you just need someone to hold you and tell you that you’re going to be okay. I can be that guy for you. If you just need a friend right now, I completely understand. I don’t want you to worry about hurting my feelings and thinking that I’m expecting you to have sex with me while you’re staying here,” he paused again as if he was gathering his thoughts before continuing, “I want you to know that I have real feeling for you. I like you a lot I have for a while, but I never acted on them. I’m willing to try to make this what ever you want between the two of us.”

I stared at him completely caught off guard by everything he had just said to me, “you like me?” I never thought Bucky saw me as anything more than a friend.

“Logan, I like you a lot. I feel things for you I haven’t felt for many people. I don’t to rush you into anything, but I will give you anything you want.”

I didn’t bother responding I just leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. Pulling away from him I took his face in both my hands and softly said, “I want to give you everything, but you have to be patient with me. I can’t throw myself into this just yet, but I need you right now Bucky.” My voice sounded desperate as I said the last sentence.

“We can do this slow Logan, I know there’s still a lot of unresolved feelings with Steve. At some point you’re going to have to sit down and talk to him about the fact you told him you love him.”

I nodded my head knowing that Bucky was right. We just needed to take it slow and I needed to talk to Steve, but I needed time. I needed a few days away from him, I just needed space.

I dropped my hands and said, “can we please go to bed?”

He nodded his head, “yeah why do you get dressed for bed?”

Stepping away from him I walked over to my bag I pulled out an tank top and a pair of sleep shorts before walking into the bathroom that was connected to Bucky’s room. I got dressed for bed and walked back into the bedroom and put my bra in my bag and then crawled under the covers to join Bucky in bed. I could see his naked torso, that let me know he was probably only sleeping in his boxers. Laying on my side I looked over at Bucky who was laying on his back looking over at me. I studied his face for a moment taking in his beautiful features. I didn’t understand why a man as beautiful as Bucky would want to be with someone who looked like me.

“If we’re going to share a bed can we possibly cuddle?” Bucky asked causing me to smile. Silently I nodded my head and rolled over letting him now I wanted him to spoon me. I felt the bed move and suddenly I felt his strong arms pulling me close to his body. His arm was across my round stomach hold me. I felt him place his lips to my bare shoulder and I couldn’t help the shiver that went down my spine.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” I said softly as I closed my eyes.

With his lips still ghosting my bare skin he whispered, “I’m always going to take care of you.”

-&-

As the morning light shine throw the curtains I was awoken to soft sunlight in my face and the feeling of something hard poking my back. As my eyes opened, I was able to process what was poking me in the back. I let out a yawn and stretch and accidentally brushed my butt against Bucky’s morning wood. He soft moan passed his lips letting me know he enjoyed it, but I couldn’t help it when my cheeks flush pink.

“Good morning,” I heard him yawn behind me.

“Morning,” I said softly rolling over I accidentally brush his erection again, but instead of a moan passing his lips his eyes went wide with embarrassment.

“That’s embarrassing to wake up with,” he rolled away from me covering his erection

I tilted my head to the side wondering why he was so embarrassed by it, “don’t most men wake up with that same problem?”

He nodded his head as he quickly crawled out of bed, “I need to shower.”

I sat in bed very confused on why he was acting so weird. I listened as he started the shower and waited and listened for the sound of him opening and closing the sliding door. I knew we agreed to take this slow but I suddenly felt the urge to let him know that even though we were taking it slow with the whole feeling things didn’t mean sex was off the table.

I crawled out of bed and stripped away my clothes and walked into the steamed filled bathroom quietly. I heard Bucky moan letting me know that he was trying to take care of his morning wood. I stepped into the shower and he turned and looked at me with a look of surprise. His cheeks burned bright red as he stared at me with his mouth open.

“I know we agreed to take things slow, but that doesn’t mean sex is off the table, right?” I asked feeling suddenly shy.

“I mean it’s all up to Lo, we’re doing everything at your pace,” his hand was still holding his erection as he stared at me with an embarrassed look.

“Okay, why don’t help you with that then?” I said trying to be bold.

He nodded his head with a shocked look. I stepped towards him and he removed his hand and gently started stroking him causing him to moan. I stared at him biting my lip, I couldn’t lie watching him seemed to turn me on. I pushed my thighs together attempting to hide my arousal as I pumped his length.

I suddenly felt Bucky’s strong hand dipped between my folds and start stroking my sensitive bundled of nerves, and I couldn’t help the loud moan that passed my lips. We stood there on under the water attempting to get the other off for a few moments before Bucky pulled his hand away, and said, “I need to feel you. I don’t want to come on you hand.”

I nodded my head breathlessly. The thought of having sex with Bucky in the shower turned me on even more.

“I need to get a condom,” he stepped away from me causing me to drop his length.

I shook my head and reached down and grabbed his hand, “I’m on the pill and I’m clean if you are.”

“I have never had sex without a condom,” he stared at me with wide eyes.

“Okay I trust you,” I whispered before leaning over and connecting my lips to his for a searing kiss. He placed both his hands on my hips and turned us so my back was against the wall. Pulling his lips away from mine he reached down and took one of my legs hiking it up, and the reached between us and lined himself up before sliding into me slowly. He completely still in me and leaned forward resting his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes enjoying the feeling of him stretching me slowly. As his hips stared moving at a slow pace, he held my thigh up tightly as my hand clung to his back holding onto him for dear life as thrust in and out of me. My head rolled back against the tile wall and Bucky lips were all over my wet skin kissing anywhere he could possibly kiss. I couldn’t help the load moans that kept passing my lips.

“Bucky,” I moaned trying to let him know I was near.

“I got you baby, let go,” he encouraged with his lips still on my wet skin.

With his sweet words I let go falling over the edge, as my high took over Bucky got a few more thrust before he releasing inside me. He slid his softened length, out of me and dropped my leg but wrapped his arms around my round torso holding me up as we rode out our highs. His head was resting against the title wall behind me.

“That was amazing,” he sighed as he panted.

I couldn’t even say anything I just nodded my head and smiled.

After could minutes he released me and reached over and grabbed a wash cloth and let the warm water cover it before he reached down to my sensitive mound and wiped away his release. He leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss.

“Maybe we should just relax movies today, since we both have work tomorrow,” he asked reaching over to turn the water off.

“I like that idea,” I said as he stepped out of the shower grabbing a towel for him and then one for me. “Bucky thank you for taking care of me, and understanding that I want more, but I’m trying to figure out my head.”

He stepped towards me with a towel wrapped around his waist and said, “hey I don’t want us having sex to freak you out okay. Like we’re good, we’re still going slow with all the emotions and stuff.”

“Okay,” I said softly smiling.


	5. the fire and the flood

It had been a week since Steve and I had our fight, and it was the longest we had ever gone without speaking. There were a few times I wonder if I should cave reach out to him, but I honestly wasn’t ready. Bucky managed to keep my mind off everything when we were alone at his place. We were having sex quite often, but sex with him was very different. With Bucky everything we did together was extremely intimate. I had never slept with anyone who seemed to worship me quite like Bucky. There were a few nights where we would just lay in bed and he would just kiss his way across my whole body, and would whisper words of praise. I have never in my life felt as confident as I did when I was with Bucky. I used to hate wearing a swimsuit in front of people let alone being naked in front of them, and in the last week I had no problem walking across the house naked in front of Bucky. Most nights we didn’t even bother putting on pajamas, and if I did put them on, he would quickly remove them.

Sitting at my desk at work I looked up when Bucky was walking up holding what looked to be an ice latte in his hand. He sat down across from me and sat the coffee down in front of a script I was reading.

“How is you day going?” he asked giving me is signature smile.

I shrugged my shoulders, “okay I’m checking out a new script.”

“I brought you an ice vanilla latte.”

I reached over grabbing the cup brought the straw up to my lips and took a sip. I could feel Bucky’s eyes burning a hole in me, as I drank the coffee.

“What’s on your mind Bucky?” I sat the coffee down an looked at him. I could tell just by the way he was looking at me, that he had something he needed to tell me.

He looked extremely conflicted as he opened his mouth to speak. “I ran into Steve.”

At the mention of Steve’s name my heart dropped. Since I had been basically living with Bucky, he hadn’t even mentioned Steve. I’m pretty sure I might have ruined their friendship, and I couldn’t lie I felt pretty guilty about this. I never actually meant ruin their friendship.

“How did that go?” I asked worried.

“He’s not doing so great, and he asked about you.”

I let out a heavy sigh, “Bucky I’m sorry I ruined your guys friendship.”

He reached across the desk and took my hand, “hey, Steve and I are okay. He’s going through a lot at the moment Lo, and honestly, he needs his best friend. You guys should probably talk today.”

I pushed my eyebrows together suddenly worried about Steve, “is he okay?”

He nodded his and squeezed my hand, “yeah he just needs to fix things with his best friend.”

“Bucky,” I was suddenly worried that if went and saw Steve this could mess up whatever was going on with us. “If I see him it’s not changing anything between us, right?”

He shook his head, “Lo, we’re still good, and you can still keep staying with me too. You and Steve just need to make up.” He stood up and walked over and leaned down and connected his lips to mine for a soft kiss. “We’re good, we can still keep things going between us.”

“Okay, I’ll go see him after work,” I sighed.

As my work day went on it felt like it was going incredibly slow, and that probably had to do with the fact that I was super nervous to actually see Steve. I had thought it over quite a bit what I planned on saying to him, but I knew the second I saw him it was all going to fade away. There was a lot that was still left unsaid between us after that fight, and we still needed to talk, but I was scared.

Bucky kept checking on me throughout the day I think he knew how worried I was to talk to Steve. As our work day was coming to a close, he walked into my office and stood on the over side of my desk with his hands in his jean’s pockets. He had a worried look on his face. He though he said everything between us was going to be fine, I think he was also worried that this conversation with Steve could change things.

“If you need me or anything don’t think twice about calling me.”

“Bucky, whatever happens just know I still want what’s between us,” I needed him to know that he was still important to me. That whatever was about to be said between Steve and I wouldn’t change anything.

“I know, Lo,” he walked over and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips as he reached down and laced his fingers with mine leading us out of the office.

-&-

Walking into my apartment I shared with Steve I found him at the kitchen table with his laptop in front of him. He looked up at me with wide eyes, and closed his laptop.

“Bucky said you guys talked today, and he said you needed me,” I said softly still unsure if it was too soon for us to be making up.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and stood up. He walked over towards me and stood about two feet away from. “Did he tell you what’s up?”

I shook my head, I had literally no clue what was going on with Steve.

“So, Sharon wasn’t actually pregnant. I guess it’s common pregnancy test can have false positives,” he sounded so sad and he couldn’t even look at me right than, his eyes were locked on his feet.

My heart suddenly hurt for him, Steve had always wanted to be a father and he found out he had gotten his hopes up for no reason.

“Oh, Stevie I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head, “so when Sharon told me we kind of got into a huge fight over you. She basically told me our friendship isn’t healthy, and she basically told me I had to pick her or you…” paused and looked up at me with side eyes. My stomach dropped because I was worried that he was about to tell me that he picked her over me. “Sharon and I are done. Even when I felt I might have fucked up so badly that I lost you forever. I still couldn’t risk it and not pick you.”

My eyes started watering as I stared at him. I was just at a complete loss for words, I didn’t even know what I should say to him in that moment.

“Lo, I can’t ever take back what I said that day, I wish I fucking could. I also wish I could have opened my eyes and realized you were right in front of me all along. Logan you are my everything and I sorry Sharon was always such a bitch to you.”

I bit my bottom lip staring at him, wondering what I should even say to him.

“I didn’t start what I have with Bucky because he was convenient,” I suddenly felt the need to defend myself when it came to Bucky.

“I just didn’t like the idea of Bucky taking my place,” he sighed. “especially after you said you were in love with me. I might be a selfish asshole for thinking this, but I didn’t want you to have the same feelings for Bucky.”

I looked down at the ground and sighed, “do you know how much it hurt be in love with you and watch you just date random girls and then just suddenly get into a serious relationship with Sharon?”

He shook his head and took a step closer to me, “I didn’t see what was right in front of me, but it seems like Bucky wasn’t blind.”

I took a step forward and rested my hand on his scruff covered cheek and stared into his blue eyes, “I didn’t choose to love you and too honest everything would have been so much easier if I didn’t love you. I kind of wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to fall in love with you. We wouldn’t be right here if I didn’t. Everything would have been so much simpler.”

His eyes started to brim with tears as his eyes stayed locked on mine, “was I that hard to love?”

“You were too perfect to love. I was fool to think that someone like you would ever love someone like me. Loving you has hurt me more than anything in the world, and I need to try to get over those feelings.”

He winced at my harsh words about myself. Reaching up he rested his hand on top of mine that was still resting on his cheek, “I love you Logan.”

Tears started to fall down my cheek as I whispered, “but it’s not the same.”

“I used to not be able to see my life without you in. Like you’re my everything, any I dreamed of being able to kiss you whenever I wanted and hear you tell me you loved me. But it was all just a dream for me. It was never meant to actually happen.”

I reached up with my free hand and wiped away my tears, “this fucking suck, so much.”

“Do we ever come back from this?” he asked with his voice sounding shaking. “Because I can’t imagine my life where you aren’t my best friend. You might not ever believe me, but you’re my everything. You’re my best friend Lo, and my life doesn’t make sense without you,” his own tears slowly started falling.

“Steve,” I sighed because I couldn’t just say yes, because I wasn’t exactly sure. I was still completely heartbroken by him. I dropped my hand from his cheek and just stared at him.

“What if we gave us a shot?” his voice was desperate as he reached up and took my face in both his hands. Those were the words I had dreamed of hearing since high school, but right now I didn’t want to hear him asked that.

I shook my head as he held my face also as he was desperately holding on to me, “we can’t do that.”

He took a deep breath and swallowed before leaning forward and resting his forehead as the tears just continued to slide down my cheek. “You have Bucky now,” he said sadly as he pulled away still holding my face.

“I really care for him a lot,” I whispered. “He’s really special to me, and he’s been there for me. I think he could be the one who puts my heart back together.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head, “I lost you, before I even had a chance to have you.”

“I think we lost each other,” I whispered. “Something things just aren’t meant to be.”

“Can I please kiss you?” he pleaded as tears slid down his cheek.

I knew I should say no that if we kiss this was just going to make everything so much worse, but I honestly needed to know if there was a spark between us.

“Yeah,” I said barely above a whisper.

Steve connect his mouth to mine and our lips moved together with a sense of desperation as he held my face in his hands. I reached forward grabbing his dress shirt pulling our bodies closer. I was clinging to him as if, I let go we would drift a part forever. His touch was electric as our lips fought, it was a kiss filled hunger and desperation. Or lips part for a moment for us to both breath before Steve continued kiss me as if he needed me to breath.

When we finally parted my hands were still holding onto his dress shirt as he forehead rested against mine. “Are we going to be okay one day?”

“Hopefully,” I whispered and took a slow breath. “I really want us to be able to be okay, because I’m still going to need my best friend.”

He pulled away from me and took a step back and nodded his head, “are you going to move back in?”

I nodded my head knowing that step number one to fixing everything was probably me moving back home, “yeah I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Okay good, it’s lonely in this apartment,” he gave me a sad smile.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his cheek for a gentle kiss. I took a step away from him and reached for the door, “hey Steve?”

“Yeah, Lo?”

“Are you and Bucky are going to be okay?”

He nodded his head, “yeah we talked today and he told me I can’t lay claims on someone I was too blind to see, and honestly he’s right. Bucky and I are going to be okay. You didn’t get between us. I was the one who messed up,” he sighed.

“Okay, I’ll be home tomorrow,” I opened the door and left the apartment.

I walked the mile to Bucky’s place needing to get air and clear my head. I had a lot I needed to tell Bucky, and I wasn’t even sure how he was going to take the fact that Steve and I kiss, but after what just happened I felt free.

Walking down the hall of Bucky’s apartment building, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the spare key Bucky gave me and walked inside to find him cooking dinner in the kitchen. He turned to look at me when he heard the front door open and close.

“You okay?” he asked turning the burn off as I walked into the kitchen.

I nodded my head as I walked over and wrapped my arms around his strong torso and I let out a heavy sigh. “That was hard,” I said softly. Pulling away I looked up at him feeling suddenly guilty about my kiss with Steve. I took a deep breath before saying, “Steve and I kissed.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “you guys had a lot of emotions and a lot that needed to be said. I’m not surprised at all.”

“I’m sorry,” I shook my head just feeling terrible that I let this happen.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. So, is this now over between us?” he asked sadly.

I narrowed my eyes at him and knit my eyebrows together, “Bucky he asked me if the two of us could try being together, and I told no…” I paused and he stared at me with a confused look. “Bucky, I don’t know what we are exactly, but I picked this. I want whatever we have.”

Without saying a word, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine for a passionate kiss. We pulled away and he took a step back.

“I think we kissed to see what we could have been, but I don’t want that anymore. Three weeks ago, it would have been a dream to have Steve tell me he wants to give us a shot, but now I have you…” I paused and gave him a smile, “Bucky what we have is real and I think it’s going to be better than whatever I thought I could be with him. You saw me when I didn’t think I was worth seeing.”

He took a step towards me and pressed hips lips to my forehead causing me to smile. He looked into my eyes and said, “just so you I have seen you since that first moment you walked into my dorm with Steve for the first time. When you were wearing that mustard colored dress, and your hair was in that messy bun.”

My heart raced at the fact that he remembered meeting me for the first time, “you remember that?”

He nodded his head, “yeah because I remember thinking, oh great I’m attracted to my new roommate’s girlfriend, and then I found out you were his best friend and that he was even more protective of you then I could have imagined.”

“Bucky Barnes you are a dream,” I smiled reaching down and lacing my fingers with his.

“I would rather be real for you,” he said softly. “So, are you moving back into the apartment with Steve?”

I sadly nodded my head, “I’m going back tomorrow.”

“Okay so that means I’m going to enjoy every minute of having you in my bed tonight,” he said with a low tone. My cheek suddenly flushed pink at the thought of all the things we were going to do.

“I was also thinking that maybe as my boyfriend you could have sleep overs at my apartment,” I suddenly felt nervous that maybe he would reject the idea of being boyfriend and girlfriend.

“As your boyfriend I like the idea of us having sleepovers,” he smirked.

Bucky cooked us dinner as I looked through some emails. The moment the clock struck nine Bucky told me it was bedtime.

Standing at the foot of the bed Bucky was slowly stripping away my clothes. The moment we were both naked, he had me lying on my back with him lying next to me kissing my breast slowly. My eyes were closed as I enjoyed the feeling of his lips on my skin. His hand moved to dip down into my folds. I couldn’t help but moan as his thumb stroked my clit while two fingers slowly pumped in and out of me. Biting my bottom lip, I held back a moan.

“Bucky, I’m close,” I whined knowing that it wasn’t going to take much to push me over the edge.

He moved his lips up the base of my neck kissing his way up. With his lips brushing my ear he whispered, “let go for me.” His low tone sent a shiver down my spine as I hit my high. My walls clenched his fingers as they continued to work on slowly. Removing his fingers, he looked over at me and smirked, “You are literally the prettiest thing I have ever seen,” he whispered with his lips still brushing my ear. He moved onto his knees resting between my open thighs and gave himself a few pumps before he slowly slid in to me. He hovered over me connecting his lips to mine for a passion filled kiss as he thrust into my over and over again incredibly slow. My fingers clawed at his back almost begging for more.

“Bucky,” I sighed.

“What do you want baby?” he asked with his lips ghosting mine.

“Faster please?” I begged needing more.

“Okay anything for you baby,” he connected his lips to mine for a rough kiss as he picked up the pace.

It didn’t take long for him to push me over the edge again, and he followed behind a few thrust later.

Lying in bed our naked bodies were intertwined as my head rested on his strong chest. His hand rubbed my side. I couldn’t lie was going to miss sharing a bed with him every night and being able to sleep naked.

“We might have to be quieter with Steve being in the room next to me,” I said with a soft laugh.

“I think we can work on that,” he leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Can I maybe take you out on a proper dating on Friday after work? I mean I am your boyfriend.”

I realized since we had started this whole, we hadn’t ever gone on a date or anything like that. “I guess my boyfriend can take me out on date on Friday,” I said cuddling up closer to him.


End file.
